Moving On

Why is a car’s windshield so large and the rearview mirror is so small?  Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE.  So look ahead and move on.

I received this as part of an e-mail today.  It resonated with me, because I have spent so much of my life living in the past.  Twenty-five years ago, I met a man with whom I fell deeply in love.  I have very strong soul ties with him and have had a difficult time getting him out of my mind.  He was the man I thought I would marry.  He is the man I wanted to share the rest of my life with.  At the time, I really thought this man felt the same way about me.  I’m not exactly sure what happened.  I just know that I didn’t fit his family’s mold for whom they wanted in their son’s future.  They were quite well-to-do, and I was just an average Midwest farmer’s daughter.  Perhaps part of the equation was the fact that this man’s father was an atheist, and he didn’t like what he saw in Jesus-girl me. 🙂

At any rate, I married another man and never forgot this guy.  I found out a few years ago that he never married.  Silly me thought, “Wow… maybe he never married, because he never found anyone he loved as much as he loved me!”  (What can I say… I live in a fantasy world.)  After corresponding with him a bit via e-mail and phone calls, I am realizing that probably wasn’t it. (Reality check.)  Although I’d like to think he was scared off by his intense feelings for me hitting him blindside, it was probably more the fact that he didn’t really care about me as much as I thought he did.  It used to be that he would call me all hours of the day and talk FOREVER; now when I call him, I’m lucky if he talks for 10 minutes. I have to remind myself not to take it personally.  He’s not where I’m at.  He has moved on, whereas I am longing for what was.

Can any of you relate?  Maybe for you it’s not a lost love.  Maybe you’re like my husband who, with a dream in his heart of one day joining the Air Force, found out on his fourteenth birthday that his newly diagnosed type 1 diabetes meant he would never be able to fly.  Or maybe you’re like my high-school friend who had her heart set on playing the French horn professionally and then lost part of her middle finger while working at a canning factory the summer of our senior year.

What have you done to get yourself past the hurt and the disappointment… the crushed hopes and the reality of what is?  How do you say goodbye to the life you thought you would have and embrace the one you’ve been given?

I wish I had an answer, but I don’t.  The best I can come up with is that I think it’s a process.  I think it begins with  simple SURRENDER… surrendering control… being willing to let some things happen in their own way, space, and time.

I think it requires COMMUNICATION… conversing with our Father in heaven… crying out in anger, frustration, hopelessness, and despair (if necessary)… the main point being to purge ourselves of the heavy emotions (which our loving Father knows already anyway) that weigh down our spirit and make life so hard to bear.  I have cried out (spat out really) in the middle of the night, “WHY?!?  What was the PURPOSE (in having my path cross with this man I loved)?!?”  Maybe it was to teach me that prior to that encounter, I had a pretty self-righteous attitude.  Maybe it was to show me that I am a sinner.  Maybe it was to pray harder than I’ve ever prayed in my life for this man’s father on his deathbed that he might come to know Christ before leaving life here on earth.  I don’t know what the purpose was… but God does.

I think it means learning the art of ACCEPTANCE…  accepting the fact that we may never have all the answers we seek… being open to accepting the gifts God wants to give us in place of what we were grasping so tightly before.

I think it involves TRUST… trusting God to work things out according to His plan… trusting that He knows our future and how everything will be woven together into a beautiful tapestry if we just get out of the way of the Weaver’s hands.

I think it calls for RECEPTIVITY… receiving the love of YAHWEH Himself… allowing Him to be the Lover of our soul.

I think it means SEEKING… seeking a greater purpose outside of ourselves… seeking what part we play in this great orchestra of life.  Maybe we become so focused on the solo we were so sure we’d have that we forget it’s all about resonance.

Whatever the real answer is, there is one thing of which I am certain.  God restores my soul (Psalm 23:3), and for that I am deeply grateful.

Learning to move on and embrace life…

Lori Lynn

Father… I need Your arms around me as I move on with the life You have planned for me.  I don’t want to be holding on so desperately to someone or something that I completely miss my calling.  I want to be open to the life You planned for me when You formed me in my mother’s womb.  You knew each of my days before one of them came to pass.  Lead me now, LORD.  Lead me down a path that will bless many and bear much fruit for Your kingdom.  In Jesus’ Name.  Amen