Life Lesson #2: Follow Your Heart


Who gives intuition to the heart and instinct to the mind? — Job 38:36 (NLT)

 

For years, I have wanted to be a writer of children’s books.  When I was in my 20’s, I flew to New York City and interviewed with a major publishing house.  I didn’t get the job.  A few years later, I followed the man of my dreams out to Boston to pursue a job in children’s book publishing.  I had dreams of working at Little Brown or Houghton Mifflin.  I went so far as to call Little Brown and offer to work for free.  The girl I spoke with thought I was a crazy person.  I wasn’t crazy; I just really wanted to learn about publishing.

I wound up working for an accounting firm as a secretary, and then I got fired.  I hated my job.  The day my boss and the human resource person told me I was being let go, I looked across the desk at them and said, “Thank you SO MUCH!”  They glanced at each other with a raised eyebrow.  I had no idea how I was going to pay my rent, or even if I would be able to stay living in Boston, but I did know one thing; I was free.  I had been released from a dungeon of drudgery.

I spent the summer looking for a job and collecting unemployment.  My future husband surprised me by taking me on fun outings to get my mind off being unemployed… hiking in New Hampshire, visits to Martha’s Vineyard, dinner and excursions throughout Boston, etc.  The man of my dreams somehow faded out of the picture.  He basically said, “Tough break.”

I’d like to say I persevered and found a job in publishing, but I didn’t.  I wound up in another dull, lifeless secretarial job.  By this time, I had convinced myself I wasn’t supposed to get into publishing.  Throughout the summer, I had continued to look for jobs in publishing.  I had one wonderful man (a vice president at one of Boston’s major publishing houses who rode the same bus I did, and whom I wound up interviewing with) tell me, “In this business, unless you’ve gone to an Ivy League school or come from money, your chances of breaking in are pretty slim.”  That’s when I sort of wilted and gave up.  Publishing wasn’t God’s plan for me.  He had closed every single door I had tried to go through.  Obviously, I was supposed to be knocking on different doors.

I figured since I wasn’t making it in the career world, perhaps I was meant to be a wife and mother.  I changed my focus.  I got married, gave up grad school, had three children, and completely lost my identity.  (Before you start thinking, “Oh boy, here she goes… on the pity-me bandwagon!”, I want to assure you that’s not where I’m headed.  I HAVE been there, done that, but have decided it’s time to get off and start doing what God intended for me to do in the first place… hang on to Him and persevere.)

Throughout my journey, one thing has remained constant (well, two actually, when you count God being the only One who has continued to love me through it all), and that is my love for publishing and writing.  My writing needs a lot of work; it’s rough and tends to segue off onto multiple tangents at times, but it hopefully touches my readers every now and again in a a profound way.  I’m praying it will smooth out in time.

My point to all of this is… if your heart consistently tells you something, and the message rarely changes, LISTEN.  God designed each of us with a specialty.  We’ve each been given a gift.  Your gift will call to you.  It oftentimes will be something that comes naturally.  It can also, at times, require a great deal of studied focus and attention.  It ALWAYS will be something that touches your heart and spreads a warmth throughout your soul.  It will be something that brings you joy, and usually it will be something that blesses others.  So…

Lesson #2: Follow Your Heart

Don’t allow other people to determine what you should do in life.  Don’t be forced into a career that will make you miserable.  So much of our life is spent working, that we really need to be careful that we don’t get locked into doing something we dislike intensely.  If we’re unhappy when we get up in the morning, and we can’t bear the thought of getting out of bed to go to a job we can’t stand, it doesn’t set a good precedent.  There ARE fantastic jobs out there.  It might be something as simple as taking meals to the elderly people on your block or it might be jet-setting around the world cinching major business deals.  If it makes you happy, it’s the right job for you.  The thing is, no one can tell you what it is except YOU.

If you are a young person reading this and  you don’t know what it is, volunteer your services in a variety of areas.  Talk to your friends and ask them what they like/dislike about their job.  Take some time to reflect on whether you enjoy being around people or being alone, working with things or working with ideas, traveling or staying put, working set day shifts or a flexible variety of shifts, being your own boss or having someone else give you direction.  When you’re in high school and college, take a variety of classes.  Get involved in extracurricular activities.  You don’t always need to know what you want to major in at the start of your college career.  Part of the early college experience is exploring your options (of course, high school is an even better time to do this), but my point is to try out a variety of things to find out what you like and what you don’t.  You aren’t going to be good at everything.  That’s okay.  Focus on what you ARE good at.  The rest will fall into place.

If you aren’t so young anymore, but you realize you’ve spent your entire life doing what makes everyone else happy, and you wake up one day and realize you’ve lost your spark, it’s time to reassess things.  It’s never too late to learn something new.  Take some time to think about what you’d rather be doing.  Find some time to go away where it’s quiet.  Take a pen and some paper (or your iPad!) and write down steps on how to make that happen.  It’s a proven fact that the first step in getting from Point A to Point B is to have a plan, so make some goals and write them down.  Start imagining yourself in your new role.  Our thought life is a huge contributor to where we end up in life.  Make a timeline.  You may need to make a budget.  Post these things where you can see them on a daily (or weekly) basis.  Cut out pictures of where you see yourself or what you see yourself doing.  Visual reminders are HUGE in helping us move out of a rut.  Reward yourself along the way to reaching your goal.  Remember, a journey begins with a single step.  If you don’t take that initial first step, you are never going to get to where you want to go.  Believe in yourself and others will believe in you too.

Go on now… get going!  I’m rooting for you!

Lori Lynn

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.  –Steve Jobs

 

 

Soar Like An Eagle


“They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint.” — Isaiah 40:31 [ESV]

 

Every time I think I’ve made the decision to stay in my marriage, I discover the “well goes dry.”  My writing stops, I have no creative juices flowing, and I feel as though God is silent.  So I wonder, at times, if the following is true:  Is God silent, because I’m not listening and being obedient to what He is telling me to do?

For instance, take the following:

God speaks to my heart letting me know divorce is the plan.  In “good” moments, I picture it in a positive way…  My husband and I communicate well with each other, he marries someone else and is happy; I write and help people, possibly marry, and am happy; the kids’ stress dissolves over time, they adapt, and they’re happy.  In “bad” moments, I picture it in a negative way… I blame my husband for things; I wind up penniless and living off the street, unable to work and emotionally/physically drained; the kids spiral into depression and unhealthy behaviors; and we all self-destruct.  (I’m a very black and white thinker.  Can you tell?)

I feel in my gut… in my heart… the thought of divorce, and I believe God is leading me down that road; but I always stop just short of following through, because I think, “That can’t be God.  God wouldn’t tell me that.  God HATES divorce.”  But here is what God is also unveiling… yes, He hates divorce, but He also hates sin.  Hating someone is sin.  Pretending to be someone I’m not is sin.  Not acting in a loving way is sin.  Staying in my marriage may be just as sinful as divorce.

Writing these things down makes me feel foolish… like perhaps I am trying to twist things in order to condone divorce as a viable option.  I don’t think that’s what I’m trying to do, but I do think Satan tries to mess with our minds.  So, I pray for God’s direction in following the right path… the one He has prepared for me… the one He predestined me to go down.

When I think I should stay in my marriage for my kids’ sake, I realize that I will need to find other (healthy) ways to get my needs met.  I resign myself to thinking my life will be tolerable at best, miserable at worst.  I’m not sure I can do miserable again.  I don’t for one minute believe that’s what God wants for me either.  God wants me to soar like an eagle… to write for His glory… to show others that no, divorce is not right, but neither is marrying out of insecurity.  We all make mistakes, but we don’t need to let those mistakes define who we are.  We can learn from them and use them to help others.

I came across a beautiful saying today that so accurately describes what I believe I struggle with so much lately…

If you doubt your ability to make a life-altering decision, to take on a daring aspiration, or to fend for yourself after many years, consider this:  surely, if a bird with healthy wings is locked in a cage long enough, she will doubt her ability to fly.   — Sandra King

I want out of the cage.  The cage may be my marriage or it could be something I have put around myself.  I have folded my wings beneath me, found a safe spot on the floor, and resigned myself to being there; but I hate the cage now, and I long to be free.  I long for a gentle soul to open the cage, coax me out, and patiently teach me how to once again find my wings and fly… only this time, I don’t want to flap my wings in exhaustion; I want to find the thermals (of God’s plan for my life) and soar like an eagle.

Interestingly, when I was researching the verse from Isaiah at the top of this blog spot, I learned that the Hebrew word for “wait for” means to bind (twist) together.  That means, if I twist myself together with God (immersing myself in His Word and spending quiet time meditating on what He is saying), I will gain new strength.  Eagles, when they fly, conserve energy by looking for thermals of air to glide in and out of so they don’t have to waste energy flapping their wings.  I want to live like that!

Looking for thermals…

Lori Lynn

LORD… we can’t rise up and soar like an eagle if we are bogged down with the weight of insecurity.  Teach us to bind ourselves together with You, gain new strength, and soar in the freedom Your Son died to give us.  In Jesus’ Name.  Amen.

 

 

 

Life Lesson #1: Deal With Your Stuff


“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”    — Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV)

It’s very difficult when writing a blog to know just how much to share with your readers.  As a writer, I want to touch my readers’ hearts.  I want them to read what I write and say, “Oh my gosh.  I know exactly what she’s talking about!”, or “I SO get where she’s coming from.”  At the same time, I don’t want to share so much that it portrays people in my life in a bad light; because there are two sides to every story, and you are really only hearing mine.  Suffice it to say, because of poor choices I have made in the past, my life has not exactly gone the way I had hoped; but I am hopeful that some of my mistakes can be used for good in teaching others not to do what I did.

Lesson #1:  Do NOT marry someone until you have dealt with your “stuff.”

When I married my husband, I knew I did not love him.  I did know he was a good Christian man, and he had a good heart; and I truly believed that God would help me grow to love him in time.  I was 28 years old, desperately wanted to be a wife and mother, and felt the biological clock ticking.  I had just come out of a four-year off-again-on-again relationship with a man whom I loved more than anything but who had no intention of marrying me anytime soon because of family pressure on his side.  It was actually this man who sat in church with me one day, looked out over the congregation, saw my future husband in one of the front rows, pointed and said, “You should go out with that guy.”  My initial reaction was, “Oh my gosh.  No way.  He is SO not my type!”  (Now I realize that many of you highly-intelligent readers will be asking, “Why did you go out with this guy for four years when he is telling you to go out with other people?”)  Can I just say, “It’s what insecure people do.”  It’s also what led me to marry my husband.

Which brings me back to dealing with our stuff…

We can drag an awful lot of baggage, which we aren’t even aware of, into our marriages.  Are you familiar with any of these:

  • Insecurity
  • Low self-esteem/unworthiness
  • Unresolved relationship issues
  • Poverty (lack of money or love)
  • Emotional/physical/verbal abuse
  • Codependency
  • Anger
  • Mental health issues

If you haven’t dealt with them BEFORE you tie the knot, trust me when I say that you WILL deal with them at some point after.  All of the baggage mentioned above comes with a bountiful set of emotions.  Emotions get triggered in our brains from the darnedest things…  a sound, a smell, a touch, a look, a word, etc.  You may think that you can suppress emotions, but they can only be suppressed for so long.  Emotions are alive, so suppressing them is like burying something alive.  They will eventually erupt and find their way out; and when they do, it isn’t pretty!

I’ve been married for 19 years.  I can honestly say, it has been a struggle from Day 1.  On my wedding night, I was crying because I had a new last name.  Please don’t misunderstand me.  I had every intention of changing my name when I got married.  It wasn’t having a new last name that was the problem; it had everything to do with thinking, “Oh my gosh, I can’t go back.  I’ve made a horrible mistake.  This is not what I wanted.”  I don’t come from a belief system that says, “Get married today and divorced tomorrow.”  I had made a covenant before God.  This was serious business.  For what it’s worth, my husband was probably feeling the same way.  All of the sudden he was faced with a hysterical wife who was not at all like the woman he thought he had married.

In retrospect, I think I was more in love with the IDEA of getting married (the ring, the dress, the flowers, walking down the aisle) than I was with the man I had agreed to marry.  Also, in my insecurity, I didn’t believe anyone else would ever ask me to marry him.  My husband did; therefore, I thought I better jump at the opportunity.

I had had similar feelings (that I was making a mistake) that morning but had brushed them off as wedding-day jitters.  At that point, I remember thinking, “I can’t back out now.  Everyone has flown out here for the wedding.  My parents have put a lot of expense into this.”

Both of us have lamented the fact that we did not have premarital counseling before our wedding day.  We were supposed to have it.  We even went to our first session; unfortunately, right in the middle of it, our pastor got an emergency phone call and had to end the session.  We somehow never rescheduled.  I think the pastor thought, “These are two mature individuals who obviously love each other, both from good Lutheran stock, so they will be fine.”  (Of course, I have no idea what he was actually thinking.  Pre-marriage counseling for us may have just slipped his mind.)  I do think, though, that many of the conflicts we have struggled with over the years would have surfaced in those counseling sessions, and we could have been spared quite a bit of the heartache we’ve experienced (or at least been a little bit more prepared for it).

So, why are we still married?  In this Married-Today-Divorced-Tomorrow Age, I’d like to think it’s because neither one of us can come to terms with breaking the covenant we made before our God; and we’re both too stubborn to give up.  In reality, it isn’t because of anything WE are thinking or doing.  The truth is that God is the third strand in our cord, and where our two strands have broken, His is holding on.  That means there is a purpose in all of this.  That means that just as an ugly ragged-edged rock can be put into a tumbler and bounced all over for days on end and come out a beautiful gem, our marriage has the potential to come out of this as a beautiful thing to show others.  It means that all of the junk our children are being forced to wade through is strengthening them and building them up for service to others.  They will have a sense of compassion and empathy from having “been there” that will give them remarkable insight in helping others through the maze.  I have also come to realize that divorce does not separate us from our stuff.  If not dealt with, our stuff follows us into any marriage we enter into.

Maybe you are in a similar place.  Maybe you’re about to get married and you realize you’re not getting married for the right reasons.  Maybe you’re already married, were lucky enough to have been in love when you walked down the aisle, but now find you have drifted apart.  Maybe you’re struggling with a wayward or mentally-ill child, and it is wreaking havoc in your marriage.  (I have a daughter who is ADHD/NLD/and borderline Asperger’s.  Trust me when I say I KNOW the havoc mental health issues inflict on a marriage.)  Maybe you are a single person who feels the only way you can be loved is to sleep with every person who asks you to with the hope that maybe one of them will propose.  Maybe you are the child of an alcoholic who has become a workaholic to compensate for the love you never got, and you’ve reached the point where you realize you’ve accumulated a lot of things but you have no one to pass them on to.

We all have issues.  We all struggle.  But there is hope.  We CAN deal with our stuff before it deals with us.  We CAN break the cycle that we’re in … be it codependency, verbal abuse, anger.  We CAN stop it.  It isn’t easy.  It means making some tough decisions, but remember that it is for your good and the good of those who come after you.  Dare to be the difference in your future child (or grandchild’s life).  Dare to be the one who breaks the chain.  And remember… the best thing you can do is to deal with it BEFORE you get married!

Holding on in Christ…

Lori Lynn

Dear Lord… Thank you for being the third strand in my frayed and broken cord.  Without you, I would have been done a long time ago.  Continue to show me in a myriad of ways that You have a purpose in all that I am going through and give me the strength to continue holding on until beauty shines through.  Give me the courage to change what I know needs to be changed; if not for my sake, for my children’s sake.  In Jesus’ Name.  Amen.